Do people really respond better to messages of fear & hate than they do to messages of love and hope?

I have been fascinated by this question all my life. It has been on my mind lately because of my recent study of  business & entrepreneurship.  All the classic books on marketing & advertising teach the same dark message. Market to people’s fear, advertise to people’s sense of lack. Infuse a sense of urgency and scarcity. You can only imagine that this goes against every fiber of my being. After all, I am a leader in Team Northrup, a group of people that base our entire sales philosophy on the Law of Abundance, Attraction, & Prosperity in order to succeed.

The three responses to pain

Life isn’t just made up of marketing and advertising maxims…so I turn to my life experience to explore the subject. This is what I have found.

Trauma, war, verbal or physical abuse, even school-yard bullying inspires one of three responses. The first and the more common response is to assume that the majority of people have natural instincts to be hurtful, jealous, even evil. We can become paranoid that the next trauma or source of pain can come from anyone, anywhere, anyhow. So we are guarded, we are careful, vigilant, armoured, and not trusting. We have good reason to be this way because life has proven to us that evil is indeed possible. What’s more, the armour is working. We feel protected from pain. There is a downside to this, though. It is easy to feel alone inside that armour. We are afraid of life. We take less risks because life is bound to slap us in the face..or worse.  As a result, we are open to less opportunity for health, wealth, happiness, and love. But who cares? At least we’re not in pain, right? At any rate, “if they did it to me once, they can do it to me again, so I better prepare.”

The second response is to detach. We are neither guarded nor vulnerable. We are numb. We feel neutral about all things. This way, even glorious love can no longer hurt us. We are impervious to deep emotion. We are unaffected. We are…safe. Those of us that follow spiritual paths often misunderstand our teachers and philosophies to think this really is the goal – equanimity – detachment . Really, we are embracing a state of denial. All we have to do is look at the Dalai Lama and our theories are blown.  He is obviously full of laughter and joy rather than the neutral detached state of enlightenment we think we are pursuing. He can even express feelings of glee from just a taste of ice cream. Clearly we spiritual seekers have it all wrong…but that’s a whole other can of worms I won’t get into right now- perhaps in a future post. In short, when we go neutral, we are neither happy nor sad. We may feel safe but we are not making the most of this precious life we have. We are letting it pass by right before our eyes until it’s too late. But that’s cool. Feeling safe is worth it. “If I can’t be reached, I can’t be hurt.”

The response that changes lives

Finally, we come to the rare response. I like to call it the Elie Wiesel response or the Victor Frankl response. Despite the atrocities that both of these men suffered in Hitler’s death camps, they both seemed to emerge all the more compassionate and all the more inspired to help others any way they could. Elie Weisel established the Foundation for Humanity to promote Tolerance not just towards the Jewish people but towards all of mankind. He received the 1986 Nobel Peace Prize for his work speaking out against violence, repression, and racism. This is the type of response to pain that is best explained as “I suffered greatly, and I will do what I can to make sure no one suffers like that again.”

Victor Frankl, an Austrian neurologist and psychiatrist, is most famous for his work entitled Man’s Search for Meaning. He lost his wife, he lost his mother, he went from esteemed physician to slave laborer and emerged with this as his major realization.

“A thought transfixed me: for the first time in my life I saw the truth as it is set into song by so many poets, proclaimed as the final wisdom by so many thinkers. The truth — that love is the ultimate and the highest goal to which man can aspire. Then I grasped the meaning of the greatest secret that human poetry and human thought and belief have to impart: The salvation of man is through love and in love.”

As an Israeli Jewish woman born in New York City to recently immigrated parents, trust me, I’ve spent most of my life surrounded by people who have the first response. I was implored to live in fear of what’s to come, fear of who will turn on us if we’re not careful, fear that people might be jealous so I better keep my achievment and happinesses quiet. But from within my world, it was people like Anne Frank, Elie Wiesel, or Victor Frankl that lit the path I would eventually follow. Having worked with rape victims (1 of 6 women have been sexually abused in their lifetime), I have witnessed first-hand the common response of self-hatred, fear, hatred of others, and repression be passed down from woman to woman through generations.  Look at the health industry, or should I say, sickness industry – that rewards our doctors for more procedures and prescriptions. The conventional birthing industry is another fear based institution. It disproportionately instills fear into pregnant women throughout their pregnancy about what can go wrong rather than how to prepare and celebrate the miracle of life that is upon them. And, as I said above, the business world is no different. Having marketed a documentary film to Academy Award nomination, produced an acoustic jazz record to the shelves of the once-popular Tower Records, and currently in the world of marketing online, the message is always the same. Prey on people’s sense of lack, fear, & scarcity. It has been statistically proven that people respond to that more quickly and easily than they do to messages of positivity.

Love trumps all

Well, here’s the good news for 2011. Thanks to one of the well known brilliant teachers in the world of  the internet, I learned of some statistics that validate my urge to do it differently – to respond in the way that my spirit is most aligned. In his 2011 State of the Internet Address, Frank Kern informed us that if you look up the word HATE in google, you will find 171 million sites. If you google the word FEAR, you will find 197 million. My goodness, what are people doing with their time?

You’ll be happy to note that the word HOPE came up with over 500 million searches, and the word LOVE…drumroll please, 1.8 billion searches! Victor Frankl was right. Love gives us meaning. And for those of you fellow Michael Jackson fans who saw This Is It at least one time on the big screen, behind the scenes, in rehearsal for his big show. He ended every need or request to his crew  by spelling out “L-O-V-E.” It’s everything he stood for. When Ayan & Luna cook together, he always makes sure to ask her to add the secret ingredient before serving – you guessed it – Love. From the google searches, it’s clear, it’s what the world is most searching for and responding to.

So, LOVE will be my theme for 2011. It will be infused in my communications & my marketing. I’d love for you all to join me in this pledge to replace hate & fear with hope & love not just in your own actions but to hold that standard for others in your circle of influence. I can all but guarantee it will come back to you tenfold.

Happy New Year.